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  • Writer's pictureAlice Wyatt

Football Season Tragedy (or is it?)

eating crackers gets crumbs in your bed

listening to flattery

can go to your head

cause and effect, it’s simple you see

do a thing and

another will be

cause and effect, I’m not immune

when “love” is whispered

in your efforts to woo

as you kiss me, declare I’m the one

paint a picture,

our lives to come

my heart pit-a-pats; I go weak in the knees

common sense leaves me

in my efforts to please

cause and effect, anybody can see

if you do a thing

another will be

you are attentive and oh-so kind,

I miss all the warnings

I will myself blind

then to my horror, football season begins

I sit by my lonesome

while you live in the den

dressed in sweatpants, you guzzle cheap beer

have your friends over

to whoop and to cheer

the Dolphins, the Saints, 49’er, Cowboys

they are one and the same,

an excuse to make noise

the calendar tells me, there’s no end in sight

so I pack my bags

slip out in the night

I know you won’t miss me, unless your team loses

then you’ll want comfort,

to know where more booze is

cause and effect, so clear to see

you do a thing

and another will be

you did a thing, so I did one too

cause and effect

what’s one to do?

I still eat crackers, get crumbs in my bed

but flattery will never

again turn my head

cause and effect, I know what I need

when choosing a man,

I’ll pick one who READS!


I actually like football and have spent many a happy afternoon curled up on the couch with a cold beer and pizza while listening to Michael rattle off stats, his voice a soothing burble of nonsense lulling me to sleep. It is a lovely way to spend time with a buddy - if you don't care about the outcome.

I made the mistake, long ago, of investing emotionally in a team; but then Russel Wilson did NOT hand the ball off to Marshawn Lynch, and my football caring came crashing down upon my ears never to return.

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