My Poor Yoga Teacher
Updated: Oct 9
On the yoga mat, in an upside down position,
Down Dog, the instructor instructs,
the unflattering view of breasts
smashed flat against her torso
comes into focus
An elephant lumbers through her mind.
She recalls her last visit to the zoo. An
elephant swaying back and forth, two small
triangles of flesh swinging between its
thick front legs.
Thank God for a sports bra or I would
have saggy, baggy elephant tits.
eyes travel from breasts to
saggy, baggy thighs to saggy, baggy knees.
Crepey, middle-aged skin, usually
hidden under a fashionable skirt or
hugged by - just the right amount of Lycra - jeans
is available for close-ups.
How can even knees get wrinkles?! I need to go
through my drawers, get ride of all my shorts.
The calves are ok, tanned with defined muscles -
the feet broad, nails square, unpolished.
Why do circus elephants have painted nails?
Is that just in kids books? Are there even circus
elephants anymore? I should really paint my toes.
If you paint your toes people think you are well
put together for some reason. Not red though, red
is a bit much, maybe a soft grey? I like grey.
The yoga instructor is looking at her. Yes? Oh,
time for laying flat, Shavasana, the final pose.
Time to meditate on an intention to take one
through the day.
I am a woman, a strong beautiful woman.
Iamnotanelephant. Iamnotanelephant. Iamnotanelepahant.
I - am - not - an - elephant.
A bit of silliness for your day. What do YOU think about during yoga class? Now you know what I think about... sheesh. My instructor is a saint.